Read not to contradict and confute, nor to believe and take for granted, nor to find talk and discourse; but to weight and consider.
Memories are distinct pieces of information, because they seem to inhabit time, neuronal activity in the brain and 4th dimensional space. The moments I spend with (r) will forever be consumed inside me, like a ranging light particle racing towards the Sun. How is love quantifiable? Sir Francis Bacon provides the following candid conversation:
” The stage is more beholding to love than the life of man. For as to stage, love is ever matter of comedies and now and then of tragedies; but in life it doth much mischief, sometimes like a siren, sometimes like a fury. You may observe that amongst all great and worthy persons whereof the memory remaineth , either ancient or recent there is not one that hath been transported to the mad degree of love; which shows that great spirits and great business do keep out this weak passion.
You must except, nevertheless, Marcus Antonius, the half-partner of the empire of Rome, and Appius Claudius, the decemvir and lawgiver: whereof the former was indeed a voluptuous man and inordinate, but the latter was an austere and wise man.
Wow, You’re Married?
(R) Only to Batman!
And therefor it seems though rarely that love can find entrance not only into an open heart, but also into a heart well fortified, if watch be not well kept. It is a poor saying of Epicurus, “Each of us is enough of an audience for each other” as if man, made for the contemplation of heaven and all noble objects, should do nothing but kneel before a little idol, and make himself subject, though n0t of the mouth as beast are, yet of the eye, which was given him for higher purposes”.
(R) and I fortified each other holistically in such pithy frame of mind, it was almost surreal. Our empire consisted between caressing each other with pounding passion whilst breathing her in profoundly. As the consumption of distance apart is currently testing the limits of our love, like shifting tectonic plates below the earth’s crust. She points to my own words as to echo the things I have said to hurt her sense of feeling safe & busy with projects. On several occasions (r) mentioned her avoidance on trying to find true love, due to personal and professional engagements. The circumstances of life with previous men, made for disrupted interactions. Truth be told, I felt in love with her the second my neurons reached the circumference of my pupils. As my eyes bared witness such a feast on on her heavenly body. I do feel this way about a Woman I spend four moths with because I know what true love really is.
“I have grown emotionally apart from you.”
“You don’t seem to understand I do not have time to work, spend time with my family and see you.”
” I Am Not Moving To Austin!.”
“They have made me an offer & I have accepted.”
“I like the way you kiss me”
“I Like you a lot, a lot, a lot.”
“I Don’t want you to wait for me.”
“We are in a relationship David.”
“I love the fact where still talking on video after doing that!”
The consumption of her words are no longer felt within me as they are now distant echoes for the universe to decode. We are no longer parading each other’s gazes as distance has made the space between us stranger than fiction. The impact of her words deserves a second coming in understanding the context of our situation. The words she uttered back to me over the phone are also malignant characters to hear again. True love is worth fighting for even at long distances, while neglect and pressure to give up are barriers to entry. I clearly did not give her the space she demanded, I was blinded. In retrospect I responded again like an angrily child as certain mental road blocks are finally beginning to sink in. In realizing the inability to truly understand her situation I pushed her away from me due to fear. A simple road map for us would have been to see each other once every week, with the usual surprise weekend visits to TX. Where I could possibly work while being there with her, at least as a step one. Where I can save to buy her an engagement ring to ask her to be my wife this time next year would have been an ideal scenario. Yet today because of certain words I have expressed towards “distance” we are drifting apart at polar ends inside the spaghettification bubble of a black hole. Yet I miss her, even if she has drifted apart from me.
” A little tired this morning, I was thinking about that time it took us several hours to get passed one city block. Just wanted to know if you still remember,”?
Yes… I remember…was nice… Your mustache makes you look different, like out of telenovela.”
“Good Morning (r)
I just wanted to wish you a happy Friday, while I know there has been some distance between us it does not stop me from saying “You’re always on my mind.” am here. If you could give me an hour this week? it feels like asking for water while traveling in the Sahara. Hey, it’s Christmas, you never know”
It’s getting better at work. I’m taking it easy today, although I had a lot of errands to do, and will start on some work later tonight and tomorrow. So hopefully I can this week, I don’t want to give you a date and then not be able to do it… I hope your time at work is getting better too. How’s the Northern weather”?
“No worries (r) it’ll be great if you could. Things are good at work, the Northern weather here is just as you left it. Begging for Southern comfort from a lovely young (r). There is so much more I have to say to you but I will wait until our eyes meet again”.